Fresh from Grief!

My Grandmother passed away on Apr 2nd. I couldnt travel to see her in the end due to visa problems. I was shattered. My grandmother was a force to reckon with even at an age of 88. All her faculties were good, only towards the end did we see a rapid deterioration. There were lapses in her memory, she couldnt walk and was restricted in the bed during the last week. It was hard on my parents, but I think it would have been harder on my grandmother. She lived on her own with my disabled aunt till 5 years back. Even before she passed away, she was constantly saying that she wanted to stay on her own..Although she didnt exhibit any particular like towards my mom, her daughter in law, (she was always quick to criticize my mom), she had always loved me.. So I miss her a lot. I still cant believe that she has passed on. I think she lost her will to live when she became restricted to bed. The last time I had visited her and my parents, I couldnt spend enough time with her due to various reasons, so I had promised myself that I would compensate during my next visit. But when this news came, I was overcome with the guilt that I didnt spend enough time with her. I think we dont realize when we have some things with us, only when that thing is forcibly taken away do we realize the importance.. I can still remember how she cried when I left for the airport the last time I visited with her. I didnt know then that I would not see her after that time.. How limited we are! Oh My grandma, I miss you lots and lots...