Perspective changes

Well, its been a long time, close to 3 years since I wrote here. As usual, got caught up in quite a lot of things, had my share of griefs,joys, and quite a lot of changes. I think I have grown wiser in these years. I have taken up a lot of activities, my daughter is growing fast, more mature than ever before, stronger both physically and mentally and so the list goes on and on.

My spiritual fervor also reawakened with my recent pilgrimages. I met some people who are extremely down to earth, simple with absolutely no iorta of materialism in them. But the way the person extolled higher truths blew my breath away. I was wondering if it could be mere chance that I met him or destiny's hand operating unseen. Whatever it may be, I am clearer now in my perspectives and my mind calmer than ever before.. 

is my daughter growing too fast??!!

Back from a looong break.. I was thinking of some of the things that my 6 yr old does.. Yesterday, I was just resting and saying, "How nice it would be if someone could massage my legs.." She took up the task and tried her hands, she did a scissor punch, delivered some karate punches with her hands and quite synchronously. My husband came over and said, "come, let me help you". She declared, " Oh, my mom has all she needs in me dad".. He was stumped. The he also tried his hands and they both delivered a quick succession of punches and chops, and massages, a big wonder that my legs didnt turn into jelly.. :-)

Once in a get together, she was playing with another kid older than her. The other kid was saying something on the lines,"I love you 10 times".. My daughter corrected her saying," Oh, dont say 10 times, its much lesser, say infinity" Then a friend of mine asked her,"so is 10000 bigger than infinity?", she said no, infinity is larger than anything else.. Another friend went on,"so what do you mean by infinity?" she says "that which goes on and on"..

Doing something worthwhile!

I am a person who always thinks that our lives are wasted if we do not help the disadvantaged in some way or other. But I have just realized that I have not done anything significant for the disadvantaged in the past few years. I have been caught up in the daily grind and have lost my focus. The place where I am does not offer many such opportunities and its hard to just while away time without doing anything worthwhile. I think I should seriously think of doing something that will assuage my guilt and provide something worthwhile for the humanity.. I have some ideas. But lets see how that works out..

My Journeys

Well, this has been in the works for so long that when we made the trip again, we felt quite happy. We visited so many places and visited our friends, then took a real vacation, just for ourselves. We visited Buchart Gardens, Victoria, B.C. The very first look was captivating. I feel at a loss to describe in words how the gardens look. Its a man made wonder, can definitely be called as Heaven on Earth. Such beautiful array of flowers, and many different plants that assuage our senses with a feeling of peace and well being!! We especially liked the part "Sunken Garden" It was marvelous to learn that this sunken garden was once a limestone quarry and cement factory which was relaid as a garden.. As we walked along the assigned pathways with the beautiful flowers and trees arrayed all along, we felt at peace with the world.My spiritual thirst got rekindled. When we go about in life so fast, we forget to take time for ourselves, this particular gardens was definitely a refreshing experience. It was so wonderful that we forgot all our worries and mundane stuff and just delved right into the enjoying the beauty. We have often heard of the saying,"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder". But this was a beauty which I think would surpass anything which I have even thought of. I have been to the Himalayas, that was a rugged splendor, but even if this was man made, this offered me the same kind of tranquility that the Himalayas offered. I was even thinking that may be the gods would come down on seeing such a beauty and would traverse its length and breadth so often enough.

After being to such a beautiful place, coming back to the desert was even more painful. We thought of all things which we miss..and vowed to go back.

My memories

I am part of an online book club and I get mails from Dear Reader. I was reading excerpts from Suzanne Beecher's Muffins and Mayhem- Recipes for a Happy (if disorderly) life. I found that I have lots of memories tucked away which I constantly reminisce about to my husband. My childhood memories, my teen years, my college years, my work life and of course our sojourns to many countries together. A person's life is worth nothing if he/she cannot have fond memories.. There must have been a lesson,something which must have influenced us to do what we do now, something which must have made us what we are, something which must have refined our actions, behaviors. I want to seek that something which dwells in my past and bring it in my writings. Lets hope I succeed.

I am happy now, was a bit disappointed and lost in the morning, but am content now.. Why? Because I heard something very nice..My daughter came back from school today and hugged me, kissed me and then started singing,"Daddy and mommy, I love you, Hug me, Kiss me and I love you" Sweet, huh! Children are gifts from God, that's very true.Whenever I am down or sad, one look at her and the cute smile which she gives me and a hug from her does the trick..So here's my antidote for all sorrows and disappointments.

Take a child, give her an arm full of hug, face full of kisses and ask her for one, when she gives you a sweet little hug and a cute little kiss, all your cares are blown away..

Fresh from Grief!

My Grandmother passed away on Apr 2nd. I couldnt travel to see her in the end due to visa problems. I was shattered. My grandmother was a force to reckon with even at an age of 88. All her faculties were good, only towards the end did we see a rapid deterioration. There were lapses in her memory, she couldnt walk and was restricted in the bed during the last week. It was hard on my parents, but I think it would have been harder on my grandmother. She lived on her own with my disabled aunt till 5 years back. Even before she passed away, she was constantly saying that she wanted to stay on her own..Although she didnt exhibit any particular like towards my mom, her daughter in law, (she was always quick to criticize my mom), she had always loved me.. So I miss her a lot. I still cant believe that she has passed on. I think she lost her will to live when she became restricted to bed. The last time I had visited her and my parents, I couldnt spend enough time with her due to various reasons, so I had promised myself that I would compensate during my next visit. But when this news came, I was overcome with the guilt that I didnt spend enough time with her. I think we dont realize when we have some things with us, only when that thing is forcibly taken away do we realize the importance.. I can still remember how she cried when I left for the airport the last time I visited with her. I didnt know then that I would not see her after that time.. How limited we are! Oh My grandma, I miss you lots and lots...

My daughter

My Daughter..my beautiful little daughter. We have learnt to enjoy things from my daughter's eyes. Sometimes I think we dont pause to enjoy the finer points of life.Life is full of surprises, life is beautiful, every day dawns gloriously and only as a child can we enjoy such simple pleasures. Being with my little daughter, i get to explore life. When she comes back from the school, she sprawls in the grass, smells the beautiful flowers, I was a bit hesitant at first, then I paused to enjoy what she is doing and Voila, I really really enjoyed it. Just yesterday, we had gone out for shopping, which was mundane.. She got out of the car and was walking along with us and suddenly she stopped. She looked up at the sky and told us, "Daddy, Mummy, look at the moon, its so beautiful" We looked up to see the moon and felt "Wow, Why did we miss this?" We stood there for some time and looked at the moon and the stars, felt at peace.. Live your life to the fullest. Enjoy every single minute, every single day, every second.Do what your heart tells you to, do not hesitate what others might think.. Life is good..

Part 2-My Friend

As the days go by, I have realized more and more that people who reside in the hearts are the people who have no expectations. They go out of their way to help their friends and relatives and those in need. Some people just accept help from others and dont bother to care about them later on. Among these two groups of people, my friend belonged to the first kind.Sometimes I think that the grieving process takes a longer time when it is such a close friend.This was all very sad when I think about it. But when I think longer, I feel that my friend wouldnt have wanted me to be sad for a long time, instead would have wanted me to enjoy finer things of life.

There are many things that I have learnt from such a loss. That is,to enjoy what we have when it lasts... to enjoy each and every day, every minute, every second, to live life to the fullest...

Part 1

I felt the need to write today, start on a new fictional piece "My best friend". iT goes as follows.
Part 1
This is an ode to my friend. My friend was there right from my childhood, we would share so many things with each other, we would laugh together at each other's silly jokes and tantrums, tease each other, ofcourse loved each other. As children, we always had a way of consoling each other when disappointed, we always knew when there was something wrong with the other and we would go out of the way to comfort the other.. We didnt study in the same school, so we would share each other stories about the schools and my friend would always wish to study in mine.. We became closer as years flew by, thought our bond was stronger than any, we promised each other that we would be there for each other throughout our lives, but I learnt that unfortunate circumstances and situations do occur in life. My friend contracted an illness for which cure is so limited, I was with my friend throughout the struggle, I prayed and I lost my friend after a continuous struggle. It was a big blow to me, my heart felt ripped. I felt that I had lost a part of me for ever. It would never be the same without my friend. There would be no one to share my deepest thoughts and secrets with, there would be no one to console me, no one to laugh at my stupid jokes, no one to hold hands while crossing the road, no one to appreciate me on my success, no one to lavish attention on my child.